Chasing the Sun, Letting Go and Getting Burned
by katherinekierajulia
Summary: Join Katie Janeway as she travels through the Delta Quadrant with the crew of Voyager! In this book Katie and Ensign Tom Paris fall for each other. They must learn to get through things together, but alone. No one else can know about them. Join them on this journey of love, lies and betrayal. Book 1 in the series.


Authors Note:

**So this is my first Fan Fiction. Please not hate. I know I know Star Trek: Voyager is really old but I still watch it on TV. Sorry that it's so long. I thought it would be too short but it ended up being REALLY long. The timeline is also a little messed. I was always told that it is you story you can write it anyway you want! I guess I will rate it T, because there is minor suggestive content. I wanted it to be like the show itself. Not with REALLY graphic content. I am also sorry it kinda got sloppy at the end. I just really wanted to finish it! If you think something should be added please comment what you would like! So, I now proudly present...**

Chasing the Sun, Letting Go and Getting Burned

"Tom, Please. We both know this is wrong." The lights in my quarters where at the dimmest before complete darkness, my bed a mess of twisted sheets. He kissed me on the neck.

"It's all right. I won't tell anyone if you won't." He answered giving me another kiss. The truth is I have always found _Ensign Tom Paris attractive, even though he is married to Head Engineer Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres. He lies almost right on me. He takes off the top layer of my uniform which shows my tank top underneath. _

_"Wow Starfleet. You sure got the ladies covered up, a jacket, turtleneck and a tank top..."_

_I sit up and push him off of me. _

_"Come on Katie, we both know we want this. What are you scared of?" Tom asks testing me. I sit at the head of my bed and pull my knees up to my chest as if to protect myself from something. But I'm not, he's right I do want this._

_"I don't know Tom." I answer looking away from him._

_"No one will find out. I will make sure of it." He assures me. "You know, the space nebula makes you look beautiful." I turn to look out the window above my bed and see the same colors of pink and purple we have seen for the past three days. He crawls over to me and kisses me on the lips. _

_"I promise no one will find out." He whispers. I cave in and let it happen. As he lies over me undoing my pants. _

_I awake to see the bulk heads of the USS Voyager like I always do in the morning. I look over to see Tom sitting on the edge of my bed putting his shoes on. _

_"Tom, where are you going?" I asked sleepily. _

_"I have to get back to B'Elanna. I am going to the mess hall first to grab something to eat." _

_"Ok, just don't be late for day shift. Chakotay will most likely freak out with your attendance record." I sit up and cover myself with the sheet. He stands up. I didn't really want him to leave. But I know he has to get back to B'Elanna and _Miral.

_"Yes, see you later Commander." He says with a smile on his face. He leaves my quarters with a swish of the door. He was right. I was scared, but not of the thing he expected. I was afraid of falling in love with him. I have had a small crush on him but I never thought this would happen. But growing up on Voyager and being with him has made me fall for him. He doesn't know. As far as he's this was a one night thing. _

_Tom enteres the mess hall to find it empty. It wasn't unusual for 2300 in the morning. He walked over to the replicator and got a slice of pizza. He had just sat down when B'Elanna entered looking not very happy. _

_"Tom Paris! Where the hell have you been, I have looked everywhere?!" She yelled. Tom stood up and looked at her. _

_"I was in the holodeck running my Captain Proton program." He lied. _

_"I checked the holodecks, the bridge and engineering." She replied questioning him._

_"Well, you must have just missed me because I have just left the holodeck for a piece of well deserved pizza." He answered smartly. _

_ "Why would you be doing that at 2300 hours?" She thinks for a moment. She looks up concerned. _

_"Our daughter is waiting for daddy to come say good night. That's why I have been trying to find you. She won't go to bed unless you come say good-night." She turns around and leaves. Tom gives a sigh of relief and follows after her. _

_The next morning I reported to my bridge shift at 0800. I stepped out of the turbo lift to see the Captain in her chair and Chakotay to her left. As well as the regular crew at their stations, Ensign Kim at operations, Lieutenant Tuvok at tactical and security, an Ensign I do not know the name of at the engineering station as well as Tom at the helm. I went and sat down in my chair the right to the Captain. _

_"Torres to the Captain." B'Elanna said through the com link to the Captain from engineering. _

_"Go ahead." Janeway replied. _

_"Can you send someone down to help me with the warp conduit? We are a little short handed down here. We won't be able to jump to warp if it isn't fixed." _

_"Very well, I will send someone right away."_

_"Thank-you. Torres out." She ends the com link. _

_"Katie, you go. There's nothing here that you need to do anyway." Janeway asked turning to me. There was no way I was going to be near B'Elanna. I have been avoiding her in fact. The thing that happened with Tom is making me nervous. So there was little chance I was going to go work with her. I am not going down without a fight. _

_"Captain, I don't know very much about the warp coil and engines. I wouldn't be of much help." _

_"Well this is a good time to learn Katie."_

_"Seven would know more why don't you ask her?"_

_"She's busy in Astrometrics plotting our course." _

_"What about Ensign Kim? He could do it."_

_"He's busy on his bridge shift. Do I have to make this an order Katie?" _

_"No Captain, I will report to engineering at once." I get up and go around the railing to the turbo lift. You always follow orders... Most of the time. Just before I enter the lift the Captain calls my name._

_"Katie, we will talk about this later." I nod. And enter the lift. Great a discussion with the Captain, those never end well. _

_"Engineering." I tell the lift. I start to descent to the lower decks. _

_I enter to see the usual sight. Control panels on all sides and the warp coil at the back of the room, with the balcony at the top of the warp coil. A sea of yellow uniformed officers hurrying about, the occasional red uniformed officer. B'Elanna yelling orders and things that needed to be done to her engineering crew. I really didn't want to be here. I am a coward in this, even though Tom promised but promises can be easily broken. I entered with caution. I approached B'Elanna. She was at a command station pushing buttons. There was an Ensign clearly in her way. Yet she wasn't acting like herself? She didn't ask him to move. It seemed she was trying to be nice. After about a minute of this she got mad. _

_"Ensign please move, you are in my way." She said looking at him quite sternly. _

_"Sorry Lieutenant." He puts his hands up as if she had a phaser. And walks away to do another order he was given. _

_"Lieutenant, the Captain has informed me that you need help with the warp coil. How can I assist you?" I asked making sure I wasn't in her way. She leaves the command panel and walks toward the warp coil. I follow. _

_"Well, as you would have heard the warp coil isn't using the energy right." She goes under the railing that protects people from the coil and pushed a few buttons on a panel, a tray comes out. She scans it and then pushes it back in. Then returns back under the railing. _

_"We will need to crawl through Jeffrey tubes on deck 3, 4, and 7. Then check the gel packs on deck 8. Let's begin." She hands me a engineering kit and then walks over to a hatch and opens it. She motions for me to go first. I am terrified to go in that small space with her. I will die a terrible death in the Jeffery tubes. I have no choice but to go in. I nod and give a shy smile. And climb to my death by an angry Klingon._

_I return to my quarters after a long day in engineering and crawling through Jeffery tubes. With the wife of the man I had an affair with. I walk into my sonic shower and strip off my uniform. I decide to indulge in an ancient earth treat. I had heard of my mother speak of it before. _

_"Computer, activate water shower Katie alpha." I told the computer. The computer beeped. Water came pouring from the ceiling. I had never had a water shower before. Most people on Voyager use the sonic shower. Faster, you don't get wet, and you don't do anything except stand there. It was a very interesting experience. Just then I heard the door chime. _

_"I'm busy." I yelled. I heard the door swish open. I looked out the bathroom door to just in time to see Tom walk past. _

_"Tom? What are you doing here? We have a Bridge shift in two hours!" I exclaimed. He walks over and stands in the doorway to the bathroom with no shirt on. The sight makes my heart skip a beat. _

_"Tom what are you doing here? It's we could get caught and I thought that was just a onetime thing?" _

_"Well then we will just be dare devils then, I want you Katie." He smiles and wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me. His warmth fills me from head to toe. _

_"You know I should trust you more often."_

_"Oh and why is that?" _

_"I was in Jeffery tubes with B'Elanna all day. I though she knew and was going to kill me in there. Then no one will find me, until they did repairs or something." _

_He gives a small chuckle. _

_"Oh, so you where in Jeffery tubes shoulder to shoulder all day with my wife, that's funny!"_

_We smile at each other. He kisses me again. This time I let it happen. I'm not afraid of anything anymore. We then lye there, the warmth of his body filling mine, the water falls onto his back then trickles off onto my stomach. I have found my happy place. I let everything on my mind slip away as long as I was with him. Whatever happened next I would keep forever. I didn't want to let go, I never wanted it to end. I was truly in love with him. _

_I woke up to the sheets and blankets on my bed soaked with water from the shower. I turned over to see Tom sleeping. I heard the door chime. My heart started to race. I sat up and wrapped the sheet around my exposed body. _

_"Computer, what is the current time?"_

_"The current time is 2100 hours." The door chimed again. _

_"Tom! Tom! Wake up!" I shook him awake._

_"Hu? What?" He said sleepily. _

_"We are an hour late for the night Bridge shift!" I heard my father, Commander Chakotay call my name through the door. Tom had fallen asleep again. _

_"Tom get up! Chakotay is at my door!" Tom sat up right faster than I thought anyone could. _

_"Chakotay, Oh I am screwed!" _

_"Come on, hide in the bathroom." We get up and run into the bathroom. _

_"Be there in a minute Commander." I yell to Chakotay on the other side of the door. Tom and I hid behind the corner in my bathroom. He stands up against the wall. We smile at each other. _

_"Told you this can be fun." He said grinning. I couldn't help but smile back. _

_"I need the blanket." _

_"But if I give it to you, I will be cold... And I won't have clothes on...In your bathroom. Do you know how bad that looks?" He holds the blanket closer to him. _

_"Tom, I am not going out there without any clothes on to talk to my father! He won't even see you."_

_"Ok, fine." He takes off the sheet from around his waist and hands it to me exposing him. The sight of him with no clothes on in my room makes me nervous and yet the guilt is still there. I wrap the sheet around myself and walk over to the door. I open it to see Chakotay standing there in his usual stance: Arms behind his back and feet shoulder width apart. He looked shocked for a moment then quickly turns around. _

_"Um, you are an hour late for your Bridge shift. The Captain and I require your assistance."_

_"Yes, Commander I will be right there."_

_"And please don't forget to put your uniform on."_

_"There is no chance in me forgetting that. But thank you." He nods still turned around and walks away. I hurry back to Tom. It's funny; I still call my father Commander, even though we are the same rank. I will never understand it. Yet I will also never understand the relationship he has with my mother. I find Tom sitting on the floor in my bathroom. I join him. We both sit there for a while. Then burst out laughing. When we stop laughing I crawl over to him and kiss him. I sit there in his lap while he holds me. We sit there taking in each other's being. His rhythmic breathing, I lay my head on his chest as it rises and falls every time he takes a breath. He rocks me back and forth as if I was his child._

_"You know that that is the first time you have ever kissed me." He said smiling. _

_"Well, isn't it a night full of surprises?" He kisses me on top of my head and continues to rock me. _

_ After a few minutes I know that we have to go. I get up and leave the bathroom. _

_"Where are you going?" Tom asked me following me out. _

_"We have to get to our Bridge shift." _

_"Skip it. Come join me on the holodeck." _

_"Tom, you have to get to the bridge as well, who's going to pilot Voyager?" _

_"They will have an Ensign do it." Typical Tom, careless and willing to do just about anything to get out of his duties. I go over to my closet and take out another one of my uniforms. I get dressed. I look over at Tom standing there. _

_"I suggest you get dressed as well." _

_"Fine." He goes over to a pile of red and blue clothes that are his uniform and gets dressed. _

_"And when you leave, make sure no one sees you." I go over to me desk and pick up my communicator and my ranking buttons. I pin the communicator to my chest and the pin the buttons on my collar. _

_"Isn't that funny, that's one of the things B'Elanna said when she and I were secretly dating." I stood there staring at him. Why would he say something like that to me? I was his girlfriend. He was cheating on his wife with me. The last thing he would want to do would be to mention her name. I know he still loves her. What we are doing is terrible; it's getting the best of me. Tom just saying her name makes me realize how much this is wrong and how much she needs him. Tom looks up from getting dressed and sees me staring at him looking depressed._

_"What's the matter?" He asked worried about me. _

_"Nothing, it's nothing. I will be fine…" I put on a fake smile to help with the lie. _

_"See you on the bridge." I leave him standing there in his own thoughts. _

_I enter the Bridge to see B'Elanna at her engineering station and the rest of the normal crew at their stations. But the Captain or Chakotay isn't here? I immediately take the Bridge. _

_"Report." I looked over to Ensign Kim at operations. _

_"There are two Malron ships on an intercept coarse approaching at high warp." He told me pushing buttons on the control panel. Just then Tom came out of the turbo lift and stepped onto the bridge. I watched as he went over to the helm and dismissed the Ensign and took his place. I looked up to see B'Elanna watching me as well as him. I quickly turned away and put my attention to the ships approaching._

_"Um, Harry where would Chakotay and my mother be?" _

_"They are in the Captain's ready room." _

_"Of course that's where they always are. Who know what goes on in there?" I say quietly. Harry laughs under his breath._

_"Thanks you Ensign." I give a nod and walk across the Bridge to the Captain's ready room. I ring the chime on the door and wait for an answer. _

_"Come in." I heard my mother call from inside. I enter to see my father, Chakotay standing at the Captain's desk and my mother, the Captain sitting at her desk reading a Data PADD. _

_"Captain, there are two ships approaching at high warp. You are required on the Bridge." _

_"Very well, Chakotay we will finish this discussion later." She puts the Data PADD on her desk and gets up and enters the Bridge. She walks past ignoring me, not saying anything. Chakotay comes over and stands beside me. _

_"Good day to you too Captain." I say sarcastically. Chakotay gives a small chuckle and a shake of the head. We both step onto the Bridge. We all take our seats. _

_"Captain, the ships are dropping out of warp." Ensign Kim informed us. _

_"On screen." Two ships appeared on the view screen in front of us. _

_"Hail them." Janeway commanded. A young boy appears on the view screen. He looks human except he had marks on his face._

_"I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager." Captain Janeway said standing up and walking over to the helm. _

_"My species is Malron, I am _Jabieko._ You have entered our space prepared to be boarded." _

_"We didn't mean to trespass in your space. We are explorers trying to get home." _

_"Captain, five Malron's have beamed aboard Voyager." Tuvok informed us. _

_"Red Alert." The lights on the ship dimmed and red lights turned on all through the ship. _

_"Tuvok, get a security team down there." Janeway told Tuvok. He nods and leaves. An Ensign relives him and takes control of Security and Tactical. _

_"What exactly are you looking for?" Janeway askes the young Malron. _

_"We do not let telepaths through our space. If you have any aboard they will be removed and you will be put into Malron prison. Organize your crew for searching." He ends the transmission. I stand up and look at my mother. _

_"What are we going to do? We have quite a few crewmen telepaths onboard including me." _

_"Katie, we will do as they say. But I have an idea."_

_The Captain and I stand in Shuttle Bay 2 with Seven of Nine. The telepath crewmembers all come in a few minutes later. As soon as all of them are here Janeway taps her com badge._

_"Captain to Tuvok."_

_"Yes, Captain."_

_"Have all the Malron searchers been taken the long way around Voyager?"_

_"Affirmative Captain, you may now begin." _

_"Thank you Tuvok, Janeway out." She taps her com badge to end the com link. _

_"Captain, what is the plan?" I ask looking at the worried faces of my fellow crewmembers. _

_"The plan is to hide the telepaths in the shuttle. We then cloak the shuttle. This results in no telepaths on Voyager." The captain gets the attention of the rest of the crewmen. She catches them up on the plan. One of the doctors speaks up._

_"Captain, why not put us in the Delta Flyer? We would all fit in there better rather than a class 2 shuttle."_

_"That is true. But if the Flyer is cloaked it makes a huge space. This is kind of obvious. But if you are in a shuttle then we can make up an excuse like it was destroyed in a battle. Just trust me on this Ensign." She doctor nods in approval. We all board the shuttle. I sit in the pilot's seat the rest of the crewmen squeeze in the shuttle with me. The Captain gave us a final nod and leaves with Seven of Nine. I cloaked the shuttle as instructed. Now the waiting begins. _

_Twenty minutes into the search and things were getting out of hand. An Ensign threw a punch at a Lieutenant. Why where they fighting? What started it? I stand up to stop the brawl that was breaking out between the five of us. I pulled them away from each other._

_"What are you guys doing? It's not very Starfleet for you. I thought you would be better behaved being Starfleet officers, not two year old children." I say out of breath trying to keeping them from killing each other. _

_"Commander, you wouldn't know Starfleet if it came up and hit you. You have never even been to Earth. You have never even seen San Francisco." He said with a cut bleeding down from his temple. _

_"That maybe true Lieutenant, but I know it is unacceptable to start a fight between crewmembers and for the record, my parents are both Starfleet officers that know the rules well." He spat on the floor._

_"Your father is not a Starfleet officer he is Maquis. He will never be Starfleet." The Ensign pushes me out of the way. The floor came up and hits me. Or I fall towards the floor? It happens so fast. This is going to hurt. It feels like I had been hit in the head with a metal bar._

_ I wake up to one of the doctors examining my head. Where am I? Oh right we are in a class 2 shuttle waiting for my mom. I sit up. _

_"What happened?" I asked touching my head. Pain rushed through every part of my body. My hand it's covered in blood. I started to panic. I didn't hit my head that hard? We have a simple medical kit. I am going to bleed to death! The doctor could see the panic on my face._

_"It's all right Commander. You will be fine. After you passed out the Lieutenant and the Ensign fought but not for long the cadet over there helped break it up."_

_"What started the fight?"_

_ "Well, the reason you got throw to the floor was because the Ensign is former Maquis. So when the Lieutenant made that remark I am sure it was to insult your father and to set him off again." _

_"Probably, thank you doctor." I stand up. My legs feel like they are rubber. I see stars. I decide to sit back down again. She helps me sit. I have to get back into the pilots seat. I have to keep the command structure. I attempt to stand up and walk again. She stops me. Let me stand up!_

_"Katie, you're going to feel dizzy for a while you have to stay sitting down for a while." _

_"Yes, resting in the pilot's seat." I stand up and the dizziness hits again. She helps me over to the pilot's seat. But first, I turn to look at the Lieutenant._

_"You stepped out of line Lieutenant; the captain will be informed of this."_

_"I understand Commander."_

_"Good, now both of you will stay on opposite sides of the shuttle that's an order." _

_"Eye, Commander." They both replied. I walked over to the pilot's seat with help from the doctor. We were going to be here for a while. I might as well occupy myself. Ensign Fairmen has got the rest of the crew occupied with discussing the most irrelevant of subjects. I decided learning more about the shuttles would be a good start. I never get to play around with them. The only time I am here is on away missions. Even then I'm not allowed to look around through the data. We have a mission, that's the only thing that matters. _

_I am almost done and engine diagnostic when Ensign Fairmen asks me the most irresponsible question. _

_"So, Katie there is a rumour going around that you're sleeping with Tom Paris." She mentioned casually. What? How could she have found out? Tom and I were so careful? This is so bad; she is going to ruin everything. Lye, it's the only thing I can do. _

_"Where did you hear that?" I tried sounding surprised. I have to keep this a secret. There was no way I was going to let it leave shuttle. _

_"I can't remember who exactly. A couple people where talking about it." A couple people where talking about it? It's worse than I thought. Tom and I need to discuss this when we get out of here. Everyone was staring at me now waiting for the answer. _

_"Well, it's not true. I am the Commander and he is the Pilot. That is as far as our relationship goes and Ensign, that was not an appropriate question to ask."_

_"Sorry Commander, I just wanted to know the truth." She quickly changes the subject away from me. I heard the familiar sound of the shuttle bay doors opening. The searchers are here. I turn around and put my finger to my lips, to say be quiet. Even though we are cloaked it doesn't mean they can't hear us. I hear a voice of a woman. Who is it? Please don't come in here. Please anywhere but here. _

_"Please, there is nothing in there just our shuttles. Crew members don't go in there unless there is a scheduled flight." The women's voice pleaded. Two Malron searchers came around the Delta Flyer into view. One of our security officers follows them trying to get them to leave. That's whose voice it is. The Captain follows behind as well. What is that security officer doing? Doesn't she realize how she is making this look suspicious? If they find us the Captain will be put into prison and Voyager ceased. The crew will probably be sold. _

_"See, there is nothing in here. Let's continue with the rest of the ship." Stupid officer! We are going to be discovered! I could tell that my mother was thinking the same thing. The officer was now trying desperately to get them out. My mother put her hand up to her. _

_"Lieutenant, it's all right. Let them search." _

_"Captain?" She asks not sure it's safe. She gives a nod of reassurance. Just trust her! She knows best. That's why she's the Captain. She is always right, except when it comes to me. The officer gives up trying. One of the searchers walked over to the Delta Flyer. He runs his fingers over the haul, inspecting it. _

_"It's a nice ship you got here Captain." He said walking around the flyer. _

_"Thanks you. I would be more than happy to show you the rest of Voyager when you are finished your search." Great, mother. Way to make us wait another hour and half. She is no doubt trying to make another ally. Like we need more, every time we think we made friends they end up screwing us over. Like taking our technology and starting wars with other planets. Hasn't my mother learned her lesson yet? _

_"I am afraid that won't be possible. Once we are finished we must continue on." Good, we won't be here as long as I thought. Selfish I know, but still. I have to get back to my duties. Or it could be I just want to see Tom? I think I am leaning more towards my duties. See here I go again lying to myself. If I don't things will get out of hand, lying to me looks like the most efficient way to stay sane. Yet living on a Starship with something crazy happening almost every week you are never sane. I can remember when I was younger I was maybe about 5 or 6 years old. I was asleep in my mother's quarters. I could hear her arguing with Chakotay in the other room. I got up and crept to the door to see my father sitting on the couch and my mother standing, pacing. I peeked around the doorframe so they wouldn't see me. _

_"A Starship is no place to raise a child, Chakotay!" My mother yells._

_"I know Kathryn, but what else are we going to do? We have to get this crew home. We have been trying for years to get them back to Earth." My father replies looking deeply saddened. _

_"I am more worried about our daughter now. She has to stay safe. I don't want to lose her to an alien battle or a space anomaly." _

_"You won't Kathryn. This crew is highly trained. Just don't send her on too many away missions. Or let her hang out with Seven too much, she might start to take an interest in the Collective." He gives a small chuckle. _

_"Chakotay, I am serious!" _

_"I know, Kathryn she will be fine. Come here." He motions for her to come to him. She sits beside him and rests her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her and holds her close. "She will be fine." He reassures her. I quietly go back to my mother's bed. I guess it was more mine. She never sleeps anyway. I thought they were going to leave me on a planet; I tried to be a good girl from then on. It didn't last long. But they kept me on Voyager. Sometimes I think being left on a planet would be better. _

_"Katie?" Ensign Fairmen whispers "Katie?" I snap out of my flashback and look at her._

_"They're leaving." She whispers pointing out of the window. I turn to look out the front of the shuttle. The Malron searchers, the security officers and the Captain walk out of Shuttle Bay 2. As soon as the door closes I turn to the rest of the crew. They look a little nervous._

_"It's all right, the worst is over. Now all we have to do is wait for the Captain to tell us it's safe." _

The Captain stands on the bridge saying a final good bye to the Malron. Ensign Kim ends the transmission.

"Well, that wasn't so bad for first contact." He says with a smile. The Captain smiles back and takes her seat. She taps her com badge.

"Janeway to Katie." The signal connects to me down in the shuttle.

"Katie here."

"The Malron have left. It's safe now."

"Thank-you Captain. I also need to speak with you."

"Alright meet me in my ready room." She gets up and crosses the bridge to her Ready Room.

Finally, it's about time. The Captain probably told them to take their sweet time. I turn to everyone.

"So, the Captain has informed me that we are allowed to leave." Everyone cheered and clapped. I am happy we are leaving but it's hardly a cheering situation. I guess I am now stuck with having to go see my mother but I must inform her of the problem that arouse. We file out of the shuttle bay when the _Lieutenant who was fighting with the Ensign stops me._

_"Katie are seriously going to tell the Captain?" He asked looking concerned, with a firm grasp on my arm._

"I must, its protocol. I also highly suggest you get over your grudge with the Maquis." I pull my arm free and continue down the hall. We all go our separate ways. How dare that _Lieutenant treat a senior officer the way he did. He might also want to familiarize himself with protocol. I walk around the corner to the Turbo Lift when the doors open and Tom steps out. It's as if all my problems and worries are gone. He looks as gorgeous as ever. Tall, blonde and his soft pink lips I nearly fling myself at him. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close. Wait, what am I doing? Someone could see. We could get caught. I quickly pull away. He just stands there smiling, looking at me, like he almost died and I have just seen him in years. _

_"I missed you." I say shy like a young child. I look around to make sure no one is coming. Good, Tom and I are alone. I look back to him still standing there. I can tell he is thinking the same thing. Awkward, this is just awkward? We stand there for a minute waiting. I can't take it any longer! Being with him and not being able to love him. I look around once more to make sure we are alone. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him on the lips. He puts his warm hand on my waist. _

_"Why did you wait?" I asked gazing up into his crystal blue eyes. _

_"To be sure." He pulls away. I look at him blankly. What's wrong with him? He's not acting like himself. _

_"To be sure of what?" I asked concerned. _

_"That you love me." A smile crosses my face._

_"I do, I love you Tom Paris." He takes my hand and we start to run through the hallway away from the Turbo Lift. We stop around a corner where no one can see us. I stand against the wall. He puts his hands against the wall and kisses me again for what seemed like forever. What are we doing? This is so not like us? If someone was to see us the Captain, Chakotay and B'Elanna would surely kill us. You know what I don't care anymore. If you love someone you can't help it. I don't think Tom really cares either. I do care about that poor baby, _Miral_. She needs a father, a faithful father. We continue to run through the halls. I stop, still holding his hand. _

_"Where exactly are we going?" I ask watching an Ensign walk past giving us funny looks. _

_"I'm kind of hungry. Let's go to the mess hall." He kisses me again. I still have to make sure no one saw. Luckily no one did. He takes my hand and we run some more. _

_"Tom, we are acting like children!"_

_"So? It's fun isn't it?" _

_"In some ways, but it's not like us?" _

_"Sometimes a character change is good Katie." We come around the corner close to the Mess Hall. Tom stops dead in his tracks. Questions swarmed my mind. What's wrong with him? Is he all right? Is he going to pass out? Is this going to be a medical emergency? He quickly grabbed my hand and we retreated back the way we came. He throws me around a corner out of sight of the Mess Hall doors. Are we hiding from something, if so, what? _

_"What are you doing? What's going on?" I asked puzzled._

_"Shhh." He covers my mouth with his hand. Seriously what is up with him? He looks around the corner as if we are spying on someone. I look around the corner to see B'Elanna and _Miral walking down the hall passing the Mess Hall. B'Elanna is holding Miral's hand, helping her walk. She seems only about 2 years old. She might be taking her first steps seeing Voyager for the first time. Tom should be there with them. It's a life milestone for both of them. Or it would be if I wasn't in love with Tom. No I can't be. That poor baby needs him a true father, faithful. I can't see Tom anymore. I let go of Tom's hand.

"I'm not actually that hungry. I have to go see my mother. You should go with B'Elanna. I will talk to you later." He looks at me concerned.

"Alright, I will talk to you later." He walks around the corner and makes it look like he is coming from the opposite direction. I know he wants to be there. He walks over to B'Elanna and Miral. When he sees them his face lights up. She sees her daddy and squeals putting her hands up, to gesture wanting to picked up. They walk down the hall looking happy. I can feel tears coming. A lump forms in my throat, I force it down. Fighting back tears I walk calmly but quickly back to the Turbo Lift. I enter it and lean on the wall.

"Bridge." I start going up towards Deck 1. I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I slide to floor and pull my knees to me chest and have a good cry.

I wipe the rest of the tears away walking across the Bridge trying to not be noticed too much. Chakotay sees me wiping the tears away. He looks concerned. It takes me crying my eyes out to get my parents to notice me. Wow. He looks as if he is about to ask me if I was all right. Oh, please don't ask me in front of the whole day shift and senior staff. I look away so he won't see the tears that slip out. Last time he was concerned was when I was about 12 or 13 years old? It was my first away mission and I wanted to impress my mother and Chakotay. I had Seven, Harry and Tuvok with me in the Flyer. We were supposed to be on a trading mission to a possible ally. I was so excited. I wanted to work my way up the chain of command. I was hoping that this was going to get me to Cadet or better yet Ensign. I reported to shuttle bay 2 at 0900 hours, right on time. I walk onto the Flyer's cockpit. Ensign Kim was working at his station as well as Seven and Tuvok. We got permission to take off and headed towards the small planet which was about a day's flight in the Flyer. Voyager was going to another planet to trade Dilithium crystals. So we would have to go there on our own. I had to practically beg my mother and father to let me go. I followed them around like a lost puppy for three days. I remember as if it was last week.

"Mother, Please!" I ran after her down the hallway. "You have to let me go!" She rolls her eyes impatiently.

"Katie, an away mission is no place for a child. I have told you this all ready." She stops and turns to me. We stand there in the middle of the walk way.

"Fine, I will go ask father. He will let me go!"

"No he won't. He takes orders from me."

"He will talk you into it!" I turn and run down the hall away from her towards the Turbo Lift.

"Katie Janeway! Get back here now! You haven't been dismissed." She walks quickly after me. I run into the turbo lift and almost run over a crewmen coming out.

"Bridge!" I yelled. Hoping I would beat my mother there. I saw her come and stand in the middle of the hall with her hands on her hips, not looking pleased as the doors closed. Oh well, I know that Chakotay will talk her into letting me go! She eventually let me go. We went to the trade mission without a problem. It's when we were coming back that things got bad. The warp coil had started to show weird power fluctuations. So now I am in the Flyer, flying towards a small moon, off the planet we had just come from going to crash.

"The sensors have gone out of line, Commander." Seven said pushing buttons trying to get the Flyer under control, telling Tuvok.

"Prepare for a bumpy ride." Ensign Kim replied in the pilot's seat. Seven swivelled her chair to face me.

"Katie Janeway, I suggest you get into the seat and buckle up. We are going to crash the Delta Flyer." She says, so calm. How can she be so calm at a situation like this? Oh right, it's Seven. I nod. I go and sit up in the empty chair in the back of the cockpit. I close my eyes and the last I hear is Tuvok, Seven and Harry telling each other things to do to try to get the Flyer back. We crash into the moon and I hit my head on the back of the wall and pass out. My head is the weakest part of my body. If I hit it, I pass out. I awaked to Seven scanning me with a medical tricorder.

"You have bruised ribs and a minor concussion." She stands up and goes back to fixing the Flyer. I try to sit up against the wall, pain jolts through my ribs. I can hear Harry and Tuvok coming up to the cockpit. I look over to Seven.

"Have you sent out an emergency message to Voyager?" I ask watching her switch stations, pushing buttons. Tuvok and Harry come into the cockpit. Tuvok goes over to his station to help Seven. Harry comes over and kneels beside me.

"How are you doing Katie?" He asks helping me move. He grabs my shoulder and pain shoots through my body. A gasp escapes; Seven and Tuvok turn to us. They turn away after making sure I was all right.

"Ensign, I highly suggest you don't do that. Actually, I beg you not to do that again." I say holding my hand to my ribs. He looks kind of embarrassed, but continues on with his work. It was almost two days until Voyager came. I remember seeing my mother and father when I got back. I had just stepped off the transporter platform when they came in with a medical team. By then my ribs have gotten better. My father came and gave me a huge hug. It was odd for him? I was only gone for two weeks? We found food and water, and we had what was left of the Flyer for shelter. We would be ok. We usually made it through things. We have been through worse. My mother came next. She put her hands around my cheeks and held my face up to look at hers. She smiled.

"I'm glad you're ok Katie. We were worried." She kissed me on the forehead and hugged me. Then she snapped back to Captain. "Please report to Sick Bay, instead of your usual duties." She looked at Seven, Tuvok and Harry. "We will debrief shortly." She nods and leaves with Chakotay. Later I asked her why Chakotay acted so different, as well as her.

"Katie, you are our daughter and we love you. We thought something bad might have happened to you. That's why I didn't want you to go. We were worried as soon as you stepped foot in Shuttle Bay 2." She says as we sit in her Ready Room. I nod. I guess that makes sense. She gets called to the bridge. My thoughts snap me back to reality. Whenever Chakotay is worried he goes a little over board. I push the chime on the Captain's Ready Room door.

"Come in!" She calls from inside. I enter to see her sitting at her desk reading data on the computer. She looks up and sees me.

"Um, Captain I just wanted to inform you that Ensign Moore and _Lieutenant March have gotten into a fist fight while in the shuttle." She crosses around and sits on the front of her desk. _

_"Cause?" She looks worried, no concerned. _

_"Unknown. Possibly a long kept Maquis grudge, I'm afraid to say." _

_"All this time?" She tries to process all the evidence. I shrug. _

_"I don't know?" _

_"Alright thank you Katie, dismissed." I nod and start to leave. "Oh and Katie, you should get that head wound checked out." I touch my temple where I had hit my head. Ouch! I guess it's still tender. I can feel the dry blood down the side of my face. At least it has stopped bleeding. _

_"It's ok. It's just a little cut, it should be fine." I reply trying to leave. _

_"No, it's bad. Go to The Doctor, that's an order." I nod and leave. Why does she have to order me around? I know she's the Captain and all but it's just a cut. She usually has to make things like this an order. Yet, I also have the choice to disobey orders which results in major punishment. So, this time I decide a few minutes with The Doctor won't hurt. Most time a few minutes ends up to be a few hours of him rattling on. Better sooner than later._

_I enter my quarters after visiting Sick Bay. I was right. It was about an hour and a half I was there. He kept going on about Seven and the crew. I take a long deep sigh. I take off my jacket and throw it on my bed. I go into my bathroom and splash some water on my face. Tom should be here soon. I guess cleaning my quarters would be a good idea. It's usually clean. I leave the bathroom and sit on my bed. So, where to start? Everything is all ready clean other than my bed. I don't have many clothes. Three red uniforms and my good uniform that we wear on special occasions. So making my bed is a good idea. When I finish I decide sitting and waiting is boring. So I venture to the Mess Hall. He's probably there with Harry Kim. I arrive to see Tom enter through the other door on the other side of the Mess Hall. I walk over to the server. Tom comes and stands close to me._

_"Hey." He says looking at me. I smile._

_"You're really close to me." I whisper. Neelix is watching us. I turn and walk towards the door. I give Tom and look over my shoulder telling him to follow me. He smiles. Looks around and follows me out. Neelix give a knowing smile and a shake of the head. I walk back to my quarters with Tom following behind me. Trying to not make it look too obvious, I think the more we try the obvious it looks. I enter my quarters and stand by the door. Tom comes in minute later. He grabs me and we kiss. We collapse on the bed, laughing. _

_"That was terrible. Why didn't you come before?" I sit up and look at him. _

_"I was going to get something from the Mess Hall first." He sits up and looks at me. He kisses me again. "I suppose I could just use your Replicator." He stands up and walks past my couch and over to my Replicator. What is he doing? He did say he has a surprise for me. I bugged him about it all week. He said it was something about Earth delicacies. _

_"Come sit." He motions for me to sit on the couch. _

_"What is it?!" I whine. I sit down on the couch._

_"Computer, two bowls of chocolate ice cream." The computer beeps and two silver bowls materialize in the Replicator. Tom comes and sits down beside me handing me a bowl. _

_"What is it?" I ask using the spoon to mash it down. _

_"Just try it. It's good." He smiles and takes bite. I raise my eye brows. How can he shove that in his face? He must have had it on Earth at one point. I set the bowl down in my lap. _

_"What's it like?" I ask still watching him devour the food. _

_"What is what like?" He asks looking at me._

_"Growing up on Earth, with your father in Starfleet?" _

_"Well, what do you want to know?" _

_"Was it hard, to not have your father around?" _

_"I guess it was. We never really got along." _

_"Sounds like me and my parents." _

_"Why don't you get along with your parents?" I thought for a moment. I got up. I put the bowl on the coffee table. I went over to my glass desk; I could feel him watching me. Probably wondering why I didn't answer him. I went over to a small box I have on my desk. I pull out a silver necklace. I haven't seen it in a while. The sideways heart rocked on the chain as I walked back over to Tom. I handed it to him and sat back down. He turned it over in his hands examining it. _

_"That's the necklace my mom gave me on my tenth birthday. That's also the day she stopped being a real mom to me." A great sadness over came me. Tom knew, he came closer and put a comforting hand on my knee. _

_"It's ok Katie. Go on." He reassured me. I continue remembering the event like it was yesterday. It was held in the Mess Hall. The senior officers where all there as well as the crew who was off at the time attended. Neelix was serving some of his special food. All the senior staff was wearing their good clothes. When it was almost over, after all my presents my mother came over to me. She handed me the silver heart necklace. She sat across from me at one of the tables. _

_"Katie, I want you to know that I will always love you. No matter what happens or how I act. You are my daughter; I will always be your mother." At that time I didn't really understand what she meant. Now I do. I look to Tom who is listening to my every word. She started to treat me like a member of the crew rather than her daughter. I got my own quarters, I had a uniform and I got duties and more studies. I didn't really understand what happened. The truth was I yearn for my mother's attention. I thought I had done something wrong. I still want her to be a mother to me. I have and always will. _

_"To answer your question, I am mad at my parents for in a way, abandoning me. They were never there for most of my teenage years. That's why my personality has little bits of the senior staff. Like I have your humour..." _

_I wouldn't say that's such a bad thing." He interrupts. We both laugh. I continue on._

_"I also have B'Elanna's anger, Tuvok's emotion control and Seven's smart brain. It's because I spent time learning things from them rather than my own parents. I still have personality trait that are my own." Tom sits there contemplating the information. _

_"I'm sorry Katie." He finally says._

_"Why? I'm fine. I have learned to go on with it." I shrug trying to sound strong. Tom sees right through it I know. He leaves it alone, I'm glad. Well I should get back to my Sick Bay shift. He stands up and gets rid of the bowls. He kisses me before he leaves. I watch him go. After he leaves I sit there for a while. I already miss him._

_The next few days I feel terrible. It just randomly came. It has been for about a week or so. My stomach feels like I am going to throw up all the time. I at least vomit once a day. The good thing is it's only the mornings. I am also feeling quite tired. I sometimes skip my shifts and have naps in different places in the ship. The Jeffrey Tubes on deck 11 is my favourite spot. I lay there thinking of all trouble I could get in for missing my shift so often, and Tom. I also think about how I don't really care if I get in trouble. After about an hour and a half I think reporting to my Sick Bay shift is a good idea. I don't want to ditch all my duties. I will be in serious trouble if I do. I crawl out of the tube and give an Ensign quite a scare. I make my long journey up to deck 5. I enter Sick Bay to see the Doctor at his desk in his little room. Seven is at the consol doing whatever it is Seven does in Sick Bay. I start to feel a little light headed and sick. I continue on. I report to the Doctor and begin my studies. I stand at a console and study __neural__ pathways through the brain. I felt like I was going to fall, I do. I reach out to grab something and end up pulling down the tray of hypo sprays. Seven comes over to me and scans me with a medical tricorder. She looks at the Doctor concerned. I lay my head on the floor and pass out. _

_The Doctor is standing at my bed side as well as my mother. Why is my mother here? It must be serious. She looks concerned and maybe a little disappointed? She always is with me, skipping duties and such. _

_"What's going on?" I ask sitting up. _

_"Katie, I would like to speak to you privately if that's all right?" The Doctor asks. I nod. My mother gives me a reassuring nod and squeezes my hand. What's going on? As soon as she leaves the Doctor goes from happy nice nice to concerned and worried. _

_"Doctor... What's going on? Seriously I have the right to know!" I demand. _

_"Katie, you are seventeen years old. You have been on here for a long time, seen things no human on Earth have seen. You are mature for your age..."_

_"Doctor just get to the point! Am I going to die?" I ask scared out of my mind. _

_"No Katie, you're pregnant." _

_I should have seen the signs earlier. Tom and I were so careful? No, we were careful not to get caught. What am I going to do? How am I going to tell him? Maybe I shouldn't? No I have to! I am pace back and forth around my quarters thinking, contemplating it all. The Doctor promised not to tell anyone. He didn't tell my mother. She had heard that I was sick and had fainted. No one can know. Tom has the right to know, after all the baby is his. I will go find him and get it over with. _

_"Computer, where is Ensign Paris?" I stop pacing. _

_"Ensign Paris is in the Mess Hall." The computer responds. It's now or never. I make my way slowly to the Mess Hall. As soon as I get there I see him with Ensign Kim. My heart starts to pound faster and faster. I walk over to him and whisper in his ear._

_"I need to talk to you now, Privately." He nods and follows me out into the hallway. He puts me up against the wall and kisses me. I push him away. _

_"No, seriously we need to talk." I say trying not to break down in tears. _

_"All right, let's talk." He says. _

_"No privately, my quarters." I hope he isn't getting the wrong idea. I do really mean talk. _

_As soon as we get there I sit on my bed and take a deep breath. He sits on my couch. _

_"Katie, what's this about?" He asks looking a little worried. It's now or never... I still don't think I should tell him. _

_"Tom, I don't know how to say this, but... I'm pregnant." He stands up, terrified, no shocked, no... I don't know? _

_"NO! He screams. "It has to be a mistake?!" _

_"I wish it wasn't, the Doctor confirmed it this morning. Tom, I am so sorry." This is harder than I thought. Why did I decide to tell him? How stupid of me? Why did I do this? I start to cry. _

_"I'm sorry, please; I don't know what to do." I say through my sobs. He comes and sits beside me and holds me. _

_"Shhh, it's all right. We will get through this. It will all be fine." He rocks me. I continue to cry, I cry until I fall asleep in his arms. _

_The next few months are hard. I report to the Doctor once a day. To be honest it is quite annoying. I'm not starting to show too much, which is a good because only Tom and the Doctor know. I want it to stay that way. I am sitting in my quarters thinking, trying to understand everything. The door chimes. _

_"Come in!" I yell. My father comes in. _

_"How are you feeling?" He asks me._

_"What do you mean?" _

_"Are you feeling up to an away mission?" _

_"I never get to go on those? What's the occasion?" _

_"No reason just thought you might enjoy it. It's not really anything exciting. We are running a little low on _Dilithium. So you would going to a planet we contacted and trade water and food supplies for Dilithium crystals."

"Sounds like fun." I say sarcastically. "But I will take it, anything to get off Voyager for a while. Who will I be going with?"

"Well, Ensign Paris. I thought you would be safest with the best pilot on Voyager."

"Just him, no one else, not even Seven or Harry are going?"

"No, I thought only two people would be needed. It's a two day mission. You will rendezvous with Voyager at the Zandora sector."

"Ok, sounds good! Thank you Chakotay." He turns to leave, but stops.

"Oh I almost forgot. Here is everything else you will need to know. I think I went over everything though." He hands me a Data PADD.

"Thanks. I am looking forward to it!" He leaves. Well, time to go discuss this with Tom. I read over the information. We leave day after tomorrow.

I talked to the Doctor he said since it's a trade mission it should be fine to go. Tom is really excited to go. I report to Shuttle Bay 2 at 0800 to begin our mission.

"Hey!" He says doing something in the pilot's seat.

"Hey! Are you ready to go trade our water and food away to people we just met?" I say sarcastically. He doesn't answer. We haven't really talked since I told him about the baby. Which I find difficult since this would be the time I need him most.

The journey there was quite boring. Tom and I hardly talked except when we had to or when I had to bark orders at him. When we got there we met this very nice lady named Partillia. She is the Ambassador for their world. She kindly accepted our trade. There planet is hot and dry. Like a desert Tom tells me. On the way back Tom says he plotted a short cut to Voyager. I guess it is ok. So that's the way we are going. After a while we become tired and decide to get some rest. We make our way down to the lower deck and sleep separately on the Bio Beds. I face away from him. The space between us seems like light years away. Over the past few months we have grown apart.

"Tom." I whisper. Right, it's only us. "Are you happy that we are having a child?" I say in a normal voice. He sighs.

"Katie..." He begins. "I don't know...yet. I have no idea how I am going to tell B'Elanna." I roll over to look at him.

"Do you want this? I'm scared; I just need to know... Will you be there for us?"

"Katie... I can't give you an answer. You know that I love B'Elanna."

"You said you loved me too Tom, what happened to that? 'I love you' they feel like words to me." I turn away from him.

"Katie, that's not what I meant..."

"Don't talk to me." I interrupt. I cry myself silently to sleep. I am all alone. My child isn't even born yet and it doesn't have a father.

I am thrown from the Bio Bed onto the floor. I look over to Tom who is also on the floor as well, wide awake. The Delta Flyer shakes again. We both look at each other, and run up to the cockpit.

"There are two unknown ships firing at us!" He says making the Flyer do evasive manoeuvres in the pilot's seat, to avoid getting hit again.

"Didn't you scan the area for enemy ships?!" I scream at him. I run over to another consol and try to open a channel.

"They aren't responding!" I continue to help defend the Flyer. We are hit again.

"Katie! They are going to send a..." He yells at me. I can't hear him I need to get the Flyer out of here! "Katie! Get away from the consol!" He comes towards me. I look up. The consol sends sparks everywhere and I am thrown back onto the floor. I hit my head on the floor. I scream out in pain! What is happening? My stomach hurts BAD. My hands feel like they are on fire! I think they were. Tom comes running over with a Medical Kit. He holds me and tries to treat my injuries.

"Shhh Katie, relax you will be ok."

"What happened, the baby?!"

"You where hit with an impulse charge." He scans me with a Medical Tricorder. "We need to get you back to Voyager." I try to sit up against the wall. I can see blood seeping through my uniform from my stomach. Tears fill my eyes. No, everything will be fine. My hands have burns all over them. I sit against the wall and shut my eyes. I eventually overcome the pain and fall asleep.

I wake up in Sick Bay on Voyager. The Doctor and Tom are around the Bio Bed when I wake up. They both look sad and upset.

"What's wrong is everything ok?!" I ask looking franticly at both of them. They look at each other. Tom puts his hand up to hide his crying. He walks away to not get me upset, but I see.

"No, please no." I say with tears filling my eyes.

"I'm sorry Katie." The Doctor says. Tom is standing away from me facing the wall, crying. Tears stream down my face.

"Computer, deactivate EMH."I say. The Doctor disappears. I stand and walk towards Tom. "You got your wish, Tom. Now you won't have to find a way to tell B'Elanna. There is nothing left to keep us together. Please just go back to you wife and child." I say standing tall, not showing longing, fear and regret. He opens his mouth to say something. I leave before he has the chance to speak.

My quarters look the same as always, like nothing has happened. I curl up on my bed in a ball. Something did happen, my life is falling apart. The person I love betrayed me. I don't love him anymore; I don't think I ever did. I made myself think it was true. I start to cry. Why is this happening to me? I had fallen in love with that child. It was something Tom and I had together. It was both of us in that little miracle. There is nothing keeping us together anymore. I have lost everything. I am all alone out here in the middle of the Delta Quadrant. Is there any way to make this pain go away? I start to sob harder. I cry myself to sleep very slowly. When I fall asleep the pain will be gone...for a while at least.

Over the next few months I don't leave my room. I basically don't leave my bed. The Doctor does house calls and tells me that he thinks I might have depression. Apparently it's from losing the baby. Those words hurt. It hits me hard, like running into a wall. I lie facing away from the door. I hear it chime. I ignore it; I don't want to talk to anyone. It chimes again. I don't answer. I hear it open; weird I thought I locked it? I feel someone lie behind me on my bed. They wrap their arms around my waist. I know that feeling. Tom. I jump out of bed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked not looking at him, holding back tears.

"The Doctor said you haven't left your quarters. I came to see if you are ok." He stands up.

"OK?! Tom I am not ok!" I yell. He walks towards me. He reaches out. I move away.

"What's wrong Katie? Tell me."

"We lost our child!" The words eat me from the inside out. I start to cry. I wipe the tears away. I can't show him I'm not strong. He does know me too well. I look at him I completely lose it. I fall on my knees sobbing. He comes and puts his hand on my back, to comfort me. I push him away.

"You did this! You're the married man! You wanted to take the short cut!" I yell backing away from him.

"Katie..." He begins. I cut him off.

"NO! Apologizing won't help! It won't bring him back!"

"Him, you found out the gender?"

"It doesn't matter! Tom, I want _neural surgery." _

_"What? What do you mean?" _

_"In my studies the neural pathways store memories. It would be easier if we just totally forgot each other." _

_"But Katie... I love you." _

_"No... You don't. You don't act like it. When I..." I take a deep breath. "I needed you and you weren't ever there for us, not once. We didn't speak to each other at all. That was the time I needed you most!" _

_"Katie, I told you. I needed to find a way to tell B'Elanna."_

_"You should go back to her Tom, she needs you. So does _Miral your daughter. You truly love them. The surgery would be best for everyone. We will forget everything that happened between us since we first started seeing each other. I have all ready talked to the Doctor. Seven would help as well. It's fault proof."

"I will think about it." He leaves quickly.

"Think about it quickly!" I yell after him.

The surgery is planned for three days from now. I am nervous. Maybe this isn't such a good idea? No. I need to stop second guessing myself! I am back to my regular duties now Bridge, Sick Bay, Engineering the normal. The Doctor says that I have to prepare mentally for the surgery. I just need to get it over with. Tom and I aren't talking at all. We do when we have to; it's like when we were in the Flyer. There is nothing left for us now. No love, no baby, nothing. The days pass to fast. Being mad at him only lasts a day and a half I don't really care now. We are just Commander Katie and Pilot Paris nothing more. I walk through the hall way towards sick bay for my shift. Tom steps in my way and takes my arm. He pulls me into a Jeffrey Tube and we sit there silent. We sit there for a while. Why am I here? There is no point. I'm all ready late for my sick bay shift. I turn to leave.

"Wait!" He grabs my arm. I turn to him.

"What Tom?" I say harshly.

"Stay with me." He begs.

"No. I am going to be late for my shift."

"So this is how it's going to be..." He stumbles "until we fully forget everything that happened between us?"

"Yes..." Tears start to fall down my cheeks. Why am I crying? I don't love him. "It has to be." I leave and continue to Sick Bay. The surgery is tonight. This is the last few hours for remembering everything we had. I sit in my quarters, thinking about all the memories we had and shared.

"Computer what is the current time?" I ask.

"The current time is 22:00 hours." Time to go it's now or never. I make my way to Sick Bay. Only Seven and the Doctor are there. The Doctor comes over and tells me to lie down on a Bio Bed. He quickly runs over the procedure. I only half listen. So many things are running through my mind. We decided to have it done at 10:00 since most people would be asleep. Tom comes in a few minutes after. The last time we were here together was when we found out. We stare at each other just thinking of everything and what was about to happen. I could see him start to tear up. We were about to lose everything we ever had.

"Well, let's get started shall we?" The Doctor said breaking through our thoughts.

"Um, hold on a second Doc." Tom walks over to me. He leans down and kisses me on the lips. A tear falls from his eyes and lands on my cheek and rolls down. That was our last kiss, forever. He takes my hand and lies down on the Bio Bed next to me still holding my hand. He nods telling the Doctor to go ahead. The Doctor and Seven sedate us. I slowly fall asleep. I feel Tom squeeze my hand and I drift away into darkness.

I wake up in Sick Bay. Why am I here? I look over to see Ensign Paris lying on the next Bio Bed.

"Doctor?" I call out. He comes out of his office.

"Katie, you're finally awake!" He comes over and scans me with a Medical Tricorder.

"What happened?"

"Well, you and Ensign Paris were under attack in the Flyer. You both were thrown back and hit your heads. Do you remember anything?"

"No, sorry Doctor."

"That's ok. How do you feel?"

"Well, I have a bit of a headache but that's pretty much it. How long was I out?"

"A couple hours, you should be fine for duty now. I will release you and you can go when you ready. Ok?" I nod. I head back to my quarters after a while. I change into my uniform out of the Sick Bay clothes. It's weird, I don't remember very much? I remember my normal duties and hiding from the Malron. There are a lot of empty gaps? It's probably from hitting my head. It feels like I have been gone for more than a few hours? I have so many questions. I hope my memory will come back over time. I check my next shift. It's the Bridge day shift. I make my way up to the Bridge.

I enter to see everyone going about the business. The Captain and Chakotay are talking about something and Neelix is filling up her coffee. I take my chair. The Ambassador named Partillia. I remember her. Ensign Paris and I went and traded some of our food and water supplies for Dilithium crystals. That must have been when we hit out heads.

"Captain, I am very sorry for members of your crew being injured in our war."

"It's quite all right. They are fine. Thanks you for the Dilithium crystals."

"Anytime Captain." She ends the transmission.

"Well, I think that was ok." Janeway says. Chakotay nods. "Ensign Paris, plot a course to the Alpha Quadrant, Engage." We enter warp and leave all the memories behind, like they never happened. We all continue on, together as one on Voyager. We have to never give up on getting back to Earth where family and true love lies.

**End of Book 1.**


End file.
